Saturday, 11 May 2013


I am lost. But I'm at home!

The realization of this fills me with a sense of gripping happiness. I know where my heart is - without any doubt - because the best journey is always the journey back home... And home truly is where the heart is.

I have found the object of my purpose - that which fills my heart with the greatest Love I have ever known. All my intuition, all the paths I've taken, have lead me to this end - to the Love of my life, born from me and followed by my wanders - my child that I love more than my own life. Love is the truth, love is life.

Amor est veritas. Amor lux vita.

Together we will continue our journey, and the light within me will shine bright on our path. Lost and wandering, yet at home. Home. I am happy, and I am at home.


Sunday, 5 August 2012

Lost with company

I went all the way trough the funnel-like spiral - no wonder it felt in the stomach. The speed was crazy and the turns steep, almost spinning around my own head (well isn't life always about that). In the end I span out of that spiral with speed and traded the fast turns into floating in the air with only a slow feather-like twirling dance. I was undefined, had lost my focus, but was not worried. And fell on to a whole new ground.

I was thrown out of that cycle only to start a new one. Now the turns are slow and long - even tedious - I feel I'm missing progress. I've had to put some personal aspirations on hold. Also I got lost. I did finally fall from the rope, and the net didn't catch me, no one did - and that hurt. Every man is indeed an island. But I'm surviving. Some day I will climb high enough to get on that rope again. I've lost grip of a lot of things I already had understood, getting forward is slow, but I am not the same person that I was before falling (oh, what a wonderful fall it was). And I know I'll pick up some speed again as I'm getting back on my feet - slowly and if not steady at least with stubbornness - onwards to a new spiral!

I went through the end of the funnel with my love and started this new journey with a new companion. Indeed we made something altogether new together. I see so many circles closing, starting and repeating. On this cycle she is the center of my world and she is my sun. I'm lost with company. And I'm a changed person. And for now helping her to start her own journey is the focal point of my journey. My companion's step is light, curiosity high and laughter luminous - I will follow her. I'm her guide and she is my teacher - together we'll find our way - and our own paths. The road is ruff but there is no dark, my feet hurt but the sun is warm on my smiling face - amoris lux mundus, love makes the world a bright place.

P.s. I'd like to end this post with a quote by Hugh Sidey - Carry laughter with you wherever you go. I hope she will; laughter makes the luggage light.


Thursday, 11 March 2010

The Quest

I may have found a piece of truth in realizing that the Truth can be found by letting go of the compelling quest for it, that the truth indeed is found in small often accidental pieces in the easily disregarded everyday things of life. The quest for Truth needs not be forceful and all-consuming. The most important thing is to be open, to observe, to try to see, to rather be understanding than try to understand by force - just be receptive to whatever it is that happens to come your way - or is chosen for you to find out, if you like ;)


Wednesday, 30 December 2009


Did I fall from the rope? Did I loose my balance or just decide to fly? Or rather, take a free fall.

If I did - I fell in my head on a spin, light as a feather and landed safely on an embracing net.

Or maybe I'm still dancing in the sky - together with my love - with my love in my arms. I'm happy, amazed, bedazzled - and truly happy. There's still a lot of balancing, big movements, but it is all so easy. I am after all - light as a feather. I am so light that I can hold my love up in the air as well.

It feels like the world is swirling and altering around me, tossing me and my love about gently. While I am - we are - still and calm; affected and moved - elastic - yet sound, firm, certain - true.
This is my Truth and I am lit. Veritas lux mea.

Together we make up something more than just two people, something alltogether new - new and exciting, but in a calm sort of way, something that comes very natural and effortless, like breathing.

I think people call this falling in love.


Thursday, 5 November 2009

Hiber Nation & Islands

It's that time again. Time for winter hibernation. Not to expect any mental motion forward upon this season. Although some think winter is a good time for some introspective thinking and closing in with oneself sort of business. I just go to a physical and mental jam. When I awake of it a few months later I can remember hardly anything of the time passed and the rest is a porriage of hazy recollections.

I'm still entertaining the thought of whole of Finland going to "sleep" for every winter. Just shut everything down, and/or get foreign workforce for the most essential stuff. This would be right.
Also, today came up an idea of a Finnish colony of seasonal refugees settling down for winter in some small village or a huge house somewhere in the South. The proper instalments would be set up for remote work. A great idea - wish I had the money to organize this. Oh, well - the dream lives on... waiting for good opportunities maybe?

I did recently get a reminder, or a lesson if you will, of something important I should say. Unpleasant to some degree, but important none the less.

In the end you are alone. Every man IS an island.

This does not mean you should shut yourself from others or their influence. I still believe firmly that 1+1>2 (Ah, mathematics! Calculus! The exact thing I suck at! Haha, anyways...) But ultimately you are alone, in the end you must not depend yourself on others. It would be unreasonable to ask of that, and also just plain selfdestructive. No-one can ever totally understand you, no-one can ever totally get inside your head, you are the only one in your world, everyone lives alone on their island. You must rely on yourself with your happiness. Not make it someone else's responsibility, not expect too much of others. You are alone. Ultimately.

But only ultimately - you need only to remember this. In life, mostly... depending, trusting, loving others and being loved and trusting in that and that people do want to understand you, they will try to be as good as they can to you and to make you happy, they will want to make you and themselves feel as much not-alone as they possibly can good. You should do it ;)


Monday, 5 October 2009

A note on producing/causing/awakening love

I had forgotten that the word "Amorifer" actually is a proper Latin word and not just some mongrel word invented/conjured up by me :)

Sometimes I like being surprised by the things I have forgotten.


Tuesday, 29 September 2009

The Nest

I'm safe.

I'm a stranger.

I'm getting fulfilled.

I'm twirling in a vortex. I've come to the place I was ment to. I believe this is atleast "a pit stop" in my journey. It's nice and calm in the sense that I am here now and in no hurry forward. But it's intense and burning and my head spins with everything I'm encountering. It's scary and it's safe.

And someone loves the stranger that is me. This was unexpected. It burns and it soothes and it's thrills me. And it's confusing and wonderful and scary.