Tuesday, 29 September 2009

The Nest

I'm safe.

I'm a stranger.

I'm getting fulfilled.

I'm twirling in a vortex. I've come to the place I was ment to. I believe this is atleast "a pit stop" in my journey. It's nice and calm in the sense that I am here now and in no hurry forward. But it's intense and burning and my head spins with everything I'm encountering. It's scary and it's safe.

And someone loves the stranger that is me. This was unexpected. It burns and it soothes and it's thrills me. And it's confusing and wonderful and scary.


Wednesday, 9 September 2009


This might be something that could be called an in-between post. Although not many of my recent scribblings have been very much thought out in advance.

In some cultures time is percived as - not circular exactly - but spiral.
I feel I'm getting to the tighter and faster curves. I'm suddenly gaining momentum again, not only that, I'm going over the speedlimits again... It certainly does not surprise me that soon after I decide to start proceeding more carefully and only make small steps - slow, close movements - a push comes and ...well, there's an explosion of speed.

I'm living dangerously - in a way. Yet I feel secure. How can I be this fearless?
But the rope I'm balancing on is definitely wobbling strongly. I'm forced into quick counter movements, corrections from side to side. This is to say: my intentions, reactions, feelings, the different aspects of my personality, the past now and future I; are not stable, allthough in a tricky balance. I must concentrate much on myself. I don't like that.
The changes, the fast movement forward, the balancing, the circles I am moving around and around in (re-entering old ones, starting new ones...), the need to be sharp, to concentrate on myself, the curiosity that burns me - I fear getting too selfish. Will I do anything to learn and to experience? I do not want to hurt anyone - but will I have to sacrifice this principle? I do not want to get lost while trying to achive the opposite.
Am I just worried over nothing..?

I felt this jolt of change coming - the excitement made knots in my stomach. It made me smile. It made me feel like I was in Love. I knew something was just about to happen.

Now crazy feelings. Happy, excited, doubtful feelings. Even fear.
But I keep pushing it. No pushing on the breaks now.

Fuck - I'm loving going over the speedlimits.
. . .